Halloween! It's here ~ jack o'lanterns and rustling leaves, and choco-candy galore! I love me some Halloween. But I do have a bit of a gripe....
.... you see, I wandered into my local Halloween party store to pick up some paper goods and s...s...c..a..a..a..a..a...r...y decorations and decided to head on over to the costume department. Big mistake. Costumes? More like strips of fabric held together with dental floss! Now, I understand the excitment of the twenty-somethings and their Halloween parties and the rah-rah-sis-boom-bah of the masquerade mystique. I "get" the fun of being able to take on the persona of someone else, leaving behind the drab, dull office job and becoming Supergirl or Wonder Woman or a flirty French maid from a bad 1930's detective movie. (Humphrey Bogart, eat your heart out!) When you're hot on the prowl and looking for some man-flesh, a sassy, skimpy skirt and fish-net stockings are a must have!
But seriously.... is that ALL the Halloween costume manufacturers can think of for women's costumes? 'Cuz I don't want to dress up like a flirty French maid and I certainly am not on the prowl for some man-flesh. (In fact, man-flesh may be highly over-rated but that's for a whole other blog! *wink*) I want to dress up like a Ninja. That's right, black pants, black skulky shoes, black wrap-around shirt, black face wrap, and black tight-fitting hat. Katana optional, as long as I can have those sharp, pointy stars. I want to tap into that mystical Eastern energy that allows human beings to run on air and leap from tree limb to tree limb. I want to magically materialize before my enemies and scare the crap out of them. And I don't want my ass hanging out of my outfit while do it!
As you may imagine from my diatribe, there is no such thing as a woman's ninja outfit in the Land-of-Halloween-Costumes-Manufactured-by-Masogynist-Pigs. There is also no Star Wars clone warrior outfit, which is my second choice. Instead, I must choose from sexy, short-skirted Dorothy (with stuffed Toto-in-a-basket), sexy, short-skirted Red Riding Hood (with stuffing-in-the-basket) or slinky, slits-up-both-sides-of-the-skirt Princess Leia (with no basket at all... thank God!)
In true rebel diatribe fashion, I have chosen to reject the offerings of the masogynist pigs and go with a Spider Queen outfit cobbled together from random spider accessories and a spiderweb shirt I found in the waaaaaaaay bottom of my costume box. But... though I claim rebellion, I can not truly separate myself from the Costume-Masogynists. They enter my bedroom on slippered feet, leaving their pawing prints all over my Halloween costume. I must admit, my spider shirt is completely see-though and one step away from sis-boom-bahing on a shiny stripper pole.
Damn you, Costume-Masogynists! Just wait. Some day, when you least expect it, when you're sitting in your fat-cat luxury box seats waiting for the cheerleaders to trip onto the court and wave their pom-poms, there will be ninja venegence. And ninja FURY! Mark my words. Your time is coming!
