Tiger Moms? What about Yaks?

I just read the article about "Tiger Moms" in Time Magazine. It was the cover story. A cover story about parenting... and not just in Parenting or Fit and Pregnant but in Time! Insert appropriate nonsensical sound here. Color me excited!

To re-cap the article, a Chinese-American woman and Yale Law Professor, Amy Chua, wrote a memoir entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, in which she describes her harsh, strict, traditional Chinese parenting style. Since it is a published memoir and since it is not mouldering in some long-forgotten corner of her study, you can be assured that her style of parenting is extreme. Extremely extreme. And, as such, it has gotten a LOT of press (hence, Time Magazine) and a lot of negative buzz on the Internet. Many mothers have responded emotionally, by calling Chua a "monster." Time, however, in true devil's advocate fashion, has decided to take the "maybe this is necessary because America is falling behind in the world on so many levels" approach. The article that follows Chua's is titled "Tiger Daughter ~ An American in Shanghai reports: I'm glad my kid has a tiger mom."

Now before we all jump on the "tiger bandwagon" and start enforcing perfection and high expectations, I'd like to mention a few things.

1. Look into two Chinese-American authors ~ Maxine Hung Kingston and Amy Tan. They tell a completely different story in relation to the "traditional" Chinese parenting style. (And they're fabulous writers too!) It's important to get lots of points of view when considering altering one's philosophy.

2. Have you ever considered the idea that America, as a country, may have an identity crisis and a lack of self-esteem? I mean, we go around wielding our clubs and making a lot of fuss and racket but spend an inordinate amount of time comparing ourselves to others. I wonder if France does that. Or Great Britain. Or China. Why do we make such a big stink about our values and the need to uphold them around the world while constantly trying to be like everyone else? Why can't we just be ourselves? Why is the "traditional Chinese parenting style" of such interest to us? We're not Chinese.

3. Remember, these children, your children, are going to be looking after you in your old age. And, unlike China, which is culturally-conditioned to honor and revere the elders of the family, America is all about the shiny and new. Elders are only barely tolerated and that's mostly because they have an excellent lobbying force in Washington. If you don't want to end up in the cheapest nursing home in your town, you might re-think being a "Tiger Mom." After all, what goes around, comes around!

Summer Solstice Newsletter ~ June 2010

Welcome summer! Welcome revelation! Welcome heat and fun and freedom and joy!

I love summer. (Can you tell?) But I especially love this summer because it really feels as though the old is on its way out and the new is coming on in. This can be a scary but also a freeing experience. No more excuses for not following your dreams. No more procrastination. No more blaming everyone else for your life and your existence on the planet.

The other day I stumbled across an awesome video that I shared on Facebook. If you are not a Facebook friend of mine and would like to be, just look me up under Michelle Skye Santos or SkyeJubilee@yahoo.com. If you are already a friend... WooHoo! Anyway, I'll share the video with you here again. http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/real-life-mermaids-swim-sea-creatures-10801996 This is a ten minute video clip of the show 20/20. It shows two lovely ladies who had the unfortunate experience of being born with feet, when they're really more suited to a tail. That's right, these ladies are soul-deep mermaids. Yet, despite their feet, they are living their mermaid sea lives. Beautiful. Evocative. Moving. I urge you to take a few minutes to watch the video and explore the possibilities. Life's possibilities. Your possibilities. After all, who would have thought that mermaids would ever, EVER be on a semi-serious news program? And shown in such a positive light?!? The world is opening like a beautiful lotus blossom. May you open and bloom as well!

Many, many blessings dearhearts ~

Michelle Skye

Exciting Summer Events

June 9th ~ Free Teleseminar with noted wild herbalist Kiva Rose at 8:30pm Eastern time. To sign up, go to http://www.learningherbs.com/news_issue_se_2.html

June 19th ~ Bellydance benefit at 7pm for a local Amnesty International Group at Middle Street School of Music in Plymouth, MA. Amar Gamal, one of the leading names in bellydance, will perform, along with two other talented ladies. Tix are $10 in advance. Call to reserve them ~ 508-697-3273.

June 26th ~ Free Drawing Down the Sun ritual at 7pm to celebrate the Summer Solstice and the June full moon at Incantations in Plymouth, MA. Honor your own growth and bolster your energy for future projects and goals. Don't forget a pot-luck food or drink item to share! Call the store for more information ~ 508-746-8316.

July 9, Aug 6, and Sept 10 ~ For donation, Reiki Under the Stars event at 7pm in Kingston, MA. Come by and enjoy the outside ~ the stars, the wind, the soft grass ~ as talented Reiki practitioners gather to offer healing. Anyone can come! Bring a blanket and pillow, bring a chair, or just bring yourself and relax in the wonder of the beautiful outdoors. Anyone interested in offering Reiki, please drop me a note. Anyone interested in receiving Reiki, e-mail me for directions! (In case of inclement weather, event will be cancelled.)

July 17 and July 31 ~ Unicorn Healing Attunements at 7pm in Kingston, MA. Michelle Skye, noted metaphysical author and inspired healer, will attune you to three different types of unicorn healing energy. Unicorn energy is just re-asserting itself on the planet and has a very gentle, calm, and ancient feel to it. It is powerful, yet kind, and will allow you to access your own reservoir of love. You will work with all different kinds of unicorns, including the pixie unicorns and your own personal unicorn guide. Don't miss this amazing opportunity to springboard your own growth and healing! Price is $80 for all three attunements, manuals, and certificates. You will be able to attune others after you have taken this class. Call 508-816-1666 to reserve your spot or to ask any questions!

June 19th ~ Bellydance Benefit Concert for Amnesty International

Performance Event: What: Benefit Concert for Aung San Suu Kyi Hosted by Amnesty International Group 561 When: Saturday, June 19 at 7:00pm Where: Middle Street School of Music, Middle Street, Plymouth, MA / Admission $10 donation * For advanced tickets (as space is limited) call 508-697-3273 Performance by: Amar Gamal (bellydance) Bonnie Darling (bellydance) Laurie OConnor (bellydance) Paul Horton (musician) Who is Aung San Suu Kyi? Aung San Suu Kyi is the Nobel Peace Prize winner who has been the beacon of hope and change for nearly two decades in Myanmar, the Southeast nation formerly known as Burma. For 14 years of the past 20 years, Aung San Suu Kyi has endured unofficial detention,house arrest and restrictions on her movements. She continues to be held under house arrest in Yangon. The Amnesty International Group meet once a month at the Maha yoga center and they basically write letters to help free what Amnesty calls Prisoners of Conscience. These are people who are in prison, being tortured, etc. because of peaceful protest, or because of their religion or skin color, etc...And what the Amnesty group does really works! The last case was that of Roxanna Siberi and she is now free! The donation money will help buy stamps for all the letters collected.

Wednesday June 9th ~ Free Herbal Teleseminar

The Wild Remedy:
Grassroots Herbalism from our Backyards & Beyond

A Free Teleseminar with Kiva Rose

LearningHerbs.com is proud to present a free live teleseminar with herbalist and celebrated blogger Kiva Rose.

Kiva teaches and practices down to earth herbalism, nutrition and healing based on the same principles our ancestors followed within an adaptive and contemporary context. She makes her home in the Mogollon Mountains of the Gila bioregion of New Mexico at the Anima Lifeways & Herbal School.

Kiva & John will cover...

• Tips for the Beginning Herbalist, including connection to local wild plants.
  
• Kitchen Herbalism, touching on food energetics and everyday herbalism.
  
• One or two of Kiva's original recipes.
  
• Grassroots and community herbalism, and its importance in our economy and current healthcare crisis.
  
• Honoring our herbal heritage and traditions and working with local wild plants.
• Details of the upcoming Traditions in Western Herbalism Conferencewith Rosemary Gladstar, Paul Bergner, 7Song, Kiva Rose, Jim McDonald and many others.

Being Kiva lives WAY out in the wilderness and has no phone, it's an extremely rare event to hear her live. Do not miss this unique opportunity.

We'll also be giving away...

• A year subscription to HerbMentor.com (value: $125)
  
• One admission to September's Traditions in Western Herbalism Conference in New Mexico (value: $275). This the "official HerbMentor gathering."
  
• Multiple copies of Wildcraft: An Herbal Adventure Game
  
• Knowing us, I'm sure we'll add some more too. :)
  

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• When: Wednesday, June 9 at 8:30 PM Eastern Time (7:30 Central, 6:30 Mountain, 5:30 Pacific)
  
  
• Where: Either listen live for FREE on your PC/Mac OR call on your phone (local phone fees may apply)
  
  
• How much is the teleseminar? FREE :)
  
  
• How long is it? 60-90 minutes most likely.
  
  
• Are spaces limited? YES. However, you can register even if you're not quite sure if you can make it.
  

Go to .... http://www.learningherbs.com/news_issue_se_2.html to sign up!!!

Random Thought #1 ~ Rapelay, the video game.... Huh?

One of a kazillion (numbers may be altered for shock and awe effect) hentai games created by the Japanese, this video game (which has been pulled off the shelves in Japan, was stymied from ever catching site of American shores, but has blossomed in true atomic fashion on the internet) features a scenario where the gamer goes about raping women. Not like a serial rapist... with random intention... but rather like a sadistic freakzoid who stalks his victim and then proceeds to rape her and her entire family. Mama Cass... come on over? Grandma Woo... you too!

Now, while I think this video game is not for me (definitely!), I find it interesting that this is a part of a larger type of game (the hentai game) in Japan. And I find it fascinating that you can walk into any game store in Japan and pick out a hentai game that includes abduction and rape and mind manipulation and all sorts of rather untoward activity that is not spoken of in polite society. Huh. Fascinating. Then I think to myself, why would it be an accepted part of Japanese culture when it is obviously (obviously!) shunned by Europe and America and the video-game-playing West? (I say obviously because of the uproar over the game "Rapelay." Seriously. Think I'm kidding? Just google it; you'll see.)

And then I remember the kamikazes. You know, those guys during World War II that kissed their loved ones good-bye, jumped into their airplanes, emblazoned with the rising red sun of the Japanese empire, flew into the wide, blue yonder and then promptly slammed their planes into various and sundry targets, causing mayhem and destruction and killing themselves in the process. Those guys. The ones committing suicide for their country? Yeah. Them. Unlike regular soldiers, there's no possibility of ever (ever!) coming back from a kamikaze mission. There's no hope of a miracle, much-maligned, "magic bullet" that will kill your whole platoon but leave you free to continue on your merry way. No. Your plane is a ball of fire! You will die.

What for, you may ask. For country. For family. For honor. A-ha! For honor. Because in the Japanese culture, honor is a big deal. You gotta do your best not just for your own personal self-gratification but so that you don't shame anyone in your family. And we're not talking just your bull-shit brothers and sisters. Oh no! We're talking lines of ancestors reaching back to the beginning of time. Oh yeah, all them too! So if you fu** up and don't reach your full potential, don't achieve some modicum of success, don't follow "the plan" as laid out by society-at-large, you are dishonoring entire generations of people. That's not funny. And it's a shit-load of responsibility.

So, back to the hentai games. If we have a culture that is steeped in honor and in the notion that current actions will reflect badly on themselves, their family, and their ancestors, what are the odds that the average gamer will act out the scenarios from the game in real life? I don't know the statistics, but I'm guessing it's kinda low. After all, "Rapelay" is only one of a kazillion (see disclaimer above) games in the hentai tradition. These types of games have been in stores for quite some time and are still available today. In Japan, these games appear to be widely accepted. But in the video-game-playing West, they are shunned and demonized. Why? Because we are a different culture and, thus, do not have the same built-in societal safe-guards. Think about it. Do you know your mother's mother's name? Her mother's name? Do you consider their ideas and opinions when you make a decision? Be honest now. Probably not.

Now, as a woman, I don't like hentai games. I don't want to play them. I don't want them in my house. That's a personal opinion, based upon my own personal beliefs. But do I think "Rapelay" deserved the blistering hatred and hoop-la it received. No. This is a case of cultures clashing. See it for what it is.


Random Thought #2 ~ "Single Ladies" send-up ~ Ah, Beyonce. What have you done to us?

Imagine my surprise when (in the one time in six years I actually turned the darn thing on) I saw gyrating seven year olds on Good Morning America. Commentators shook their heads, tsk, tsk, tsking emotionally. How could a dance teacher think this was appropriate? What has the world come to? And why do I have to watch it before my morning coffee? Seriously.

You've seen the Youtube video, right? A group of eight and nine year old girls dressed in black, sequined outfits, mid-drifts showing, thighs flashing, dancing ~ in an inappropriate manner ~ at a competition or a recital to Beyonce's hit song "Single Ladies." Let's just say that the moves were one step less than Selma Heyak's snake dance in From Dust Till Dawn. So. Yeah. I wouldn't want my daughter doing that on stage. (Although the snake was pretty sweet.) Anyway, huge public uproar. Children should not be exposed to sexual material. Children should not be taught gyrating dances. Children should be clean and spotless and innocent. Insert my guffaw here because these people, up on their high horses, waving their flags of righteous indignation, are targeting the wrong person. That dance teacher from a tiny dance studio in California that no one had ever heard of before this incident, is not the devil incarnate. She is merely one example of a society-wide epidemic.

Let's explore, shall we. Where, pray tell, did those little girls first hear said song-of-the-devil, "Single Ladies?" On Mtv late night? No. On VH1's 10 sexiest videos send-up? No. On a kid's cartoon show targeting children between the ages of five and nine? Bingo! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! Remember the commercial for the sequel to Alvin and the Chipmunks? Alvin and the Chipmunks, The Squeakquel introduces the Chipettes, three cute, cuddly girl chipmunks in short, school-girl outfits (complete with plaid skirts and plaid ties). They dress fairly sexy, in a naughty school-girl kind of way, and their signature song is... you guessed it.... a high-pitched cover of Beyonces' "Single Ladies," complete with little furry gyrations and fluffy paws in wind-swept, tangled hair. Let's review. The Chipmunks wear baggy sweaters and sing "Christmas Don't be Late." The Chipettes wear naughty school-girl outfits and sing "Single Ladies." Are you seeing a difference?

Let's continue. Ever watch "Little Miss Perfect" on the We channel? It's a reality show that follows the Little Miss Perfect Pageant as it tours the country. Each show focuses on three or four little girls (and their moms... and their MOMS!) as they get ready to perform in the pageant. And this pageant is a mini Miss America, little girls with their caked on make-up and highly teased bouffant hairstyles strutting their stuff for the judges. They wiggle, they giggle, they shake their hips and answer questions about their dogs or favorite activities. They wear poufy dresses and skimpy bikinis. They blow kisses and give cheeky winks. It's rather like watching a strange display of flirting, behind a glass-enclosed museum case. "And here are the traditional methods for attracting a mate...." Truly useful skills.... especially when you're four and a half.

It's time to own up to our own societal down-falls. Americans want our women sexy. We want to pretend that we want them smart but, in a knock-down, drag-out jello fight, sexy's gonna win. Hands down. Thanks to our puritanical roots, we can't openly express our sexual natures in a public forum in an adult, mature manner. Therefore, we allow sex to mix and match with lots of other things, so we can pretend that it's not about the sex. We like the music. (Beyonce and Lady Gaga.) We like the historical representation. (The Tudors.) We like the violence. (Spartacus.) We like the female friendships and quick, witty repartee. (Sex and the City.) We throw in kink and blood and violence and fantastical costumes and snappy dialog and a slick backbeat to get around any notion that we are actually watching it FOR THE SEX. Which we are. Let's be realistic.

This need to delude ourselves is fine, most of the time. But a problem arises when we start truly believing ourselves, believing in the truth of the pretences we erect around our little, happy, no-sex boxes that we store in our vibrator drawer. In short, we forget that, while we may enjoy the music and the story arc and the dialog, we also enjoy the sex. It is when we ignore the sex, that we have serious lapses in judgment in discerning what is and is not sexually appropriate. Little girls in skimpy outfits prancing on stage in a burlesque manner? Inappropriate. Little girls made to look like living dolls flirting with men as old as their fathers in order to win a prize? Inappropriate. Cartoon chipmunks gyrating to a popular song? Inappropriate.

So, come on, say it with me. I like sex. I like consensual sex with of-age individuals ~ whether same sex, opposite sex, or both at the same time. (No judgment here.) I think sex rocks! I live for sex! Maybe if we say it enough, we'll stop pretending and accept sex for the intense, exciting, natural, biological, kick-ass experience it is. We'll be able to put away the societal guilt (and I do think there's some guilt there for all the pleasure it brings) and start channeling that sexual energy in productive, positive ways. Then, we can leave the little girls alone. Because, seriously, there's nothing sexy about that.

Life, Liberty, and Education

This week I would like to rant a bit about schooling. Now, don't get me wrong... I know school is good and wisdom-enhancing and important. I think about Greg Mortensson from "Three Cups of Tea" fame and I realize the importance of education in the world. We truly are blessed in America to have a culture where school is a by-product, an after-thought, a mundane part of life that is considered a right of each and every child. We don't need to fight for our child to have an education. We don't need to build a school on a mountainside. The mountainside is already levelled and the school is sharing space with a laundromat, a dry-cleaner, and two drug stores. School is simply a part of growing up.

Yet, I wonder at the evolution of our education system and its viability to today's world and to today's children. I starting thinking about this issue yesterday, at work. You see, after finding a book on Scotland for a tired mother, I was hijacked for about thirty minutes as she vented her dissatisfaction with her son's schooling. In seventh grade, at the age of twelve, he has, on average, two hours of homework a night. Sometimes, when big projects are due, he has three or more hours of homework, which bleeds over into the weekend hours. If you consider a three hour homework weekday and add it to a traditional school day (6 hours of schooling, an hour of busing), her son works a total of 10 hours a day. Ten hours a day! And he's twelve. When I asked the mother when her son gets to relax, she laughed cynically. "Relax? He never gets to relax."

Now on to mother number two. This mother has a son in the eighth grade, so he is thirteen. At thirteen, his English teacher is requiring the class to read Barack Obama's book " Dreams from my Father," which is an adult book. Perhaps you've never read it but it deals with one man's struggle with race in a family of mixed-origins and in an culture of hidden agendas. It is a good book. It probes ideas that are rarely brought to the surface in an America that likes to pretend that all lives and all people are equal. It really makes you stand up and consider where your prejudices lie and from whence they spring. It is a good book. For an adult. At thirteen, this book delves into topics that are so far from teenage reality as to be laughable. Not only that, there are numerous swears in the book when President Obama recalls incidents from his turbulent past. Now at thirteen, I know that kids use swears but do we want to be promoting them in classroom literature? A random "damn" certainly is not the end of the world but "motherfucker?" I got to draw the line there.

What are these two random, real-life stories telling us? In my mind, they indicate the (what I like to call) "adultification" of children in America. American adults work-hard, play-hard, and jam every spare moment of time with "stuff." We play with our stuff via video games and computer chat rooms. We run around and buy more stuff to clutter up our living rooms and home offices. And we chat via twitter and text and (ohmigosh, how retro) cell phone while we do all this stuff with our stuff. We send our children to day-care so we can make money to buy stuff. Then, on the weekends, we shuttle them around to playgrounds and playgroups and random team activities so we can be with our stuff, electronically-connected, emotionally-devoid. This way, we don't really need to "be" with our kids, just next to them. Parallel play.

Education in America is simply indulging our desire for little, mini adults that we can drop-off with the babysitter or in front of the TV while we run around in ever-tightening circles. Let's get off this ridiculous merry-go-round! How happy are we? How emotionally open can we be hard-wired to complete strangers? We tell our kids, "Let me check my e-mail," "Let me get this one phone call," "Let me work out the babysitting schedule." And where are the kids? Sitting on the floor, listlessly playing Barbies or Matchbox cars. Waiting. Waiting for us. Because the needs and wants of children have not changed in the millennia that humans have walked the planet. They want love. They want to have fun. They want to run and jump and explore. And they want to do it with someone. Not a virtual friend or a virtual pet in a virtual world. They want to do it with us.

Let's stop trying to force adulthood onto our children. It certainly hasn't made us happy. Instead, let's focus on the "childification" of adults. Let's remember the simple joys of jumping in a leaf pile or rolling down a grassy hill. Unplug people and feel the freedom of the world around you. Unplug and feel the joy of ife!

Once we do that, the school systems will stop trying to "adultify" our children. They will halt the hours of homework and the adult-book reading lists and the stress-inducing tests. For if we embrace our own children, we won't need them to be mini adults any more. We will allow them the pleasure of reading "Tom Sawyer" instead of "Dreams of my Father." We will give them the opportunity to run and play instead of sit and sweat over homework. Our values will have changed and, thus, the education system will follow our lead. Many parents feel disenfranchised in the political structure of the school system. In reality, we hold all the power. It will take time for the "childification" of American adults to permeate the culture. In the meantime, stand up for what you believe in. Voice your concerns. Not just once but over and over and over again until your voice is heard. This is your child. You have the right, indeed, the responsibility, to look out for him or her. Teachers and principals exude an air of authority but they're just people. You are your child's best advocate. Don't give up and don't give in. Your child deserves a childhood.

Thoughts on Halloween....

Halloween! It's here ~ jack o'lanterns and rustling leaves, and choco-candy galore! I love me some Halloween. But I do have a bit of a gripe....

.... you see, I wandered into my local Halloween party store to pick up some paper goods and s...s...c..a..a..a..a..a...r...y decorations and decided to head on over to the costume department. Big mistake. Costumes? More like strips of fabric held together with dental floss! Now, I understand the excitment of the twenty-somethings and their Halloween parties and the rah-rah-sis-boom-bah of the masquerade mystique. I "get" the fun of being able to take on the persona of someone else, leaving behind the drab, dull office job and becoming Supergirl or Wonder Woman or a flirty French maid from a bad 1930's detective movie. (Humphrey Bogart, eat your heart out!) When you're hot on the prowl and looking for some man-flesh, a sassy, skimpy skirt and fish-net stockings are a must have!

But seriously.... is that ALL the Halloween costume manufacturers can think of for women's costumes? 'Cuz I don't want to dress up like a flirty French maid and I certainly am not on the prowl for some man-flesh. (In fact, man-flesh may be highly over-rated but that's for a whole other blog! *wink*) I want to dress up like a Ninja. That's right, black pants, black skulky shoes, black wrap-around shirt, black face wrap, and black tight-fitting hat. Katana optional, as long as I can have those sharp, pointy stars. I want to tap into that mystical Eastern energy that allows human beings to run on air and leap from tree limb to tree limb. I want to magically materialize before my enemies and scare the crap out of them. And I don't want my ass hanging out of my outfit while do it!

As you may imagine from my diatribe, there is no such thing as a woman's ninja outfit in the Land-of-Halloween-Costumes-Manufactured-by-Masogynist-Pigs. There is also no Star Wars clone warrior outfit, which is my second choice. Instead, I must choose from sexy, short-skirted Dorothy (with stuffed Toto-in-a-basket), sexy, short-skirted Red Riding Hood (with stuffing-in-the-basket) or slinky, slits-up-both-sides-of-the-skirt Princess Leia (with no basket at all... thank God!)

In true rebel diatribe fashion, I have chosen to reject the offerings of the masogynist pigs and go with a Spider Queen outfit cobbled together from random spider accessories and a spiderweb shirt I found in the waaaaaaaay bottom of my costume box. But... though I claim rebellion, I can not truly separate myself from the Costume-Masogynists. They enter my bedroom on slippered feet, leaving their pawing prints all over my Halloween costume. I must admit, my spider shirt is completely see-though and one step away from sis-boom-bahing on a shiny stripper pole.

Damn you, Costume-Masogynists! Just wait. Some day, when you least expect it, when you're sitting in your fat-cat luxury box seats waiting for the cheerleaders to trip onto the court and wave their pom-poms, there will be ninja venegence. And ninja FURY! Mark my words. Your time is coming!